AntiNostalgic
by Xaphrin
Summary: Raven struggles with a substitute for her passion, Red X. (A song-fic to the song Anti-Nostalgic)


_Because I'm so darned in love with Red X…_

**Anti-Nostalgic**

April 2, 2005

(MOO)

_Toumei ga yozora somete  
__hitori aruku itsumo no kaerimichi_

Raven stared at the masked man before her, he held fast to her right wrist and refused to release her from her confines. How had she let this happen? She meant to chase after him, capture him, and bring him to the rest of the Titans for a hard berating and a strong jail sentence.

Instead she was stuck here with a red X over her mouth and a hand clamped painfully to her wrist. She tried her best to fight with him, but unlike the other Titans, extreme strength was not on her side.

"You look helpless…"

"Mmmph!"

"We can't keep meeting like this…"

Raven stopped struggling and glared at him angrily. Her breathing was eradicated and sharp, her eyes glowed furiously… but she didn't move. She stood there and watched him move closer toward her.

That damned Red X.

_Kuchizusamu konna kimochi  
__nemuru kimi ni todoketai na OH... UM..._

His arm stretched forward to wrap around her waist and pull her toward him. With a delicate movement, he removed the strip painlessly and looked into her eyes. She couldn't see his expression behind the mask, and it frightened her. "Why is it that _I_ always have to seek you out, Raven? Why can't _you_ come find me one day?"

"Because you never let me find out where your base is!" She snapped back, trying to escape his arms. He knew the rules! He wasn't allowed to touch her until she said so, and she wasn't feeling in the mood tonight.

"Because I know you'll exploit me into taking off the mask… and I don't like the fact that you have that power," He said huskily. His hand slipped lower and cupped her round buttocks gently.

"Back off!" Raven hissed, trying to keep her powers in control. "I'm not in the mood tonight!" She didn't want to hurt him, only avoid him… at least for tonight. Maybe later he would spur up some excitement.

"You weren't in the mood last time either, but if I remember correctly it was the best sex we've ever had." His hands moved away from her backside and crept up her back.

Raven brooded angrily as she stared up at him. The terrible thing was, that he was right. It _was_ the best sex they ever had… damn that boy to hell. "You know," she began sardonically, "romance is a great way to stir up passion… you can't bring flowers and chocolate like a normal person?"

He touched her nose with the pad of his finger. "But you, my little dark bird, are far from being _normal…_"

_Nanika ni obieteru jibun ga chotto iya ni naru  
__tsugeru omoi torinokoshita hibi ni...  
__dokoka ni wasureteru kokoro ga chotto itakunaru  
__toki wo tsunagu hoshi no yoru ni kimi wo sagashiteru_

"Yeah?" She pushed his hand away from her. "Well, kissing is normal, and I like to be kissed!" She responded sharply, her eyes beginning to glow, " You don't kiss me either… and that's beginning to get irritating!"

"Really?" He asked, a hint of surprise lining his voice. "I didn't know you wanted to be kissed by me… had I known that I'd never have let you get close to me." His arm dropped from her waist and he took a step back. But, instead of Raven feeling relieved, she felt angry and upset. She wanted his arms back around her again… she wasn't sure why.

"It's too late to back out now," Raven said quickly, her voice wavering slightly as he took another step away from her. 'Don't go!' her mind screamed. 'Don't leave me! I need you! I know you were a substitute for _him_ but I'm far too involved with you!' She wanted to reach out and hold him and kiss him and make long, passionate love to him… but he was backing away from her; leaving Raven alone in the cold darkness. Without Robin… without Red X… she was alone.

_Toozakaru kumo ni nosete  
__boku no kimochi tachidomaru kaerimichi_

"Face it, Raven…" Red X said sharply, his voice steely and angry. "I was a substitute! I know I was! When we were in bed you always hesitated calling my name. You look at me with those eyes… you see someone else in my place…" There was a pause, and Raven could feel his gaze grow sharper and even more frustrated. "I can't help it! I love you, Raven."

_Kimi wa mou yume no tsuzuki  
__todoku hazu mo nai koto da to wakatteiru_

"I… Red X…" Raven bit her lower lip and just stared at him. What was she supposed to do? He knew the truth that she _loved_ another, but she was slowly beginning to love him as well. What was she supposed to do?

"I can't love someone I don't know…" She murmured. "You hide your face from me. You treat me like a woman… like a person… but you don't let me see you. How can I love something that's not there?"

_Namida ga koboreteru egao ga chotto hoshikunaru  
__kimi no soba ni ireru dake de boku wa...  
__Dareka ga toikakeru rikutsu ga motto hoshikunaru  
__kieru kage ni mabushisugita hibi wo utsushiteru_

"I'm real! Do you want to see proof?" He ripped off his mask and through it to the ground. "Look at me, Raven! Look!"

Bright, amazing green eyes shone back at her.

Eyes she had seen before…

The same eyes she imagined when they made love…

"Robin?"

_Nanika ni obieteru jibun ga chotto iya ni naru  
__tsugeru omoi torinokoshita hibi ni...  
__dokoka ni wasureteru kokoro ga chotto itakunaru_  
_toki wo tsunagu hoshi no yoru ni kimi wo sagashiteru_

(MOO)

**_ANTI-NOSTALGIC _****SONG TRANSLATION:**

Transparency dyes the night sky, and  
I walk alone on the road that always leads home.  
Singing to myself, I want to send these kinds of feelings  
to you in your sleep, oh, um...  
I'm tangled up in something;  
I'm getting a little sick of myself  
tangled up in the feelings to convey  
to those days that have been left behind...  
The heart I've forgotten somewhere is starting to hurt a little.  
I keep searching for you  
in a night lit by the stars that are bound to that time.  
I place my feelings on the receding cloudson the road home,  
where I pause to stand.  
You are already a part of my continuing dreams;  
I know that (those feelings) can't possibly reach you from here  
The tears keep falling; just by being able to be close to you,  
I'm starting to want a smile, just a little...  
Someone asks questions;  
I'm starting to want this to make more sense. You cast those too-brilliant days into a fading shadow  
I'm tangled up in something;  
I'm getting a little sick of myself  
tangled up in the feelings to convey to those days that have been left behind...  
The heart I've forgotten somewhere is starting to hurt a little.  
I keep searching for you in a night lit by the stars that are bound to that time.

SONG BY: Kotani Kinya  
ANIME: Gravitation  
FOUND AT: AnimeLyrics(dot)com

So… there it is! I LOVE THIS SONG! I always wanted to use it in a song, and if you haven't heard it, or seen the anime, you are SO missing out. And actually… I didn't have anything to do at work, so I am just sitting here writing. It's where I try to do a lot of my writing; Anyway… I'm sorry I haven't been writing for _Fall From the Ninth Circle_ and _Solidarity?_ I've been having a bit of writer's block, and I've been working a lot lately which totally SUCKS!

I just wanted to get something out before I went to Florida for spring break, so… here it is.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you review ASAP!


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